Improve your Self-Talk
Posted on April 20th, 2016
Do you get bullied? I’m not talking about by other people, but by that inner voice? Has that inner voice ever told you that you are not good enough, a failure, fat or stupid? This is what is referred to as negative self-talk. Negative self-talk can be relentless and very critical. As a general rule I tell my clients that if you wouldn’t say it to your friend/partner/child then you are not allowed to say it to yourself. Can you imagine what it would be like if one of our loved ones had someone in their ear all day saying nasty things to them? They would struggle to function. However, for some reason we seem to think this is acceptable to do to ourselves. It is not ok.
Ways to change negative self-talk into positive self-talk.
- Listen to the inner critic: Whether the inner voice is the harsh critic or the encouraging cheerleader is often affected by our mood. Stop, listen. Pause the conversation. How can you re-word this talk into a more supportive and positive stance.
- Create distance between your inner voice and yourself. Avoid using ’I phrases. Change it to ‘you’. For example, instead of why am ‘I’ so stressed re-word it to why are ‘you’ so stressed. Talk in the third person instead of the first person. Hey ‘Judy’ why are you so stressed today? Some research suggests that if we change our self talk to the third person (you or your own name) then we find it less threatening and more interesting.
- Instructional and Motivational self-talk. Use both instructional and motivational self-talk depending on your goal.
- Instructional self-talk = Chin up, focus, one foot after the other.
- Motivational self-talk = You’ve got this, you can cope, you are strong.
- Learn to be your own friend. Speak to yourself as you would a friend or loved one. Be encouraging and supportive.
- Replace “I can’t” with “I don’t”. Saying “I can’t” portrays limitations. Whereas saying “I don’t” suggests control and choice.
Get rid of the internal bully. At first, your inner critic is so familiar it will feel a bit weird to try a different approach. But with practice you can learn how to overcome these thoughts and you will start to feel comfortable with the new more constructive self-talk.
Above tips based on article Positive self talk can help you win the race–or the day by Polly Campbell
https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/imperfect-spirituality/201106/positive-self-talk-can-help-you-win-the-race-or-the-day
Written by Judy Travis