Failure and Success

Posted on November 8th, 2016

Failure and Success

Do you ever let fear of failing hold you back or make you feel miserable? As a psychologist, a common issue that is identified in therapy is the fear of failure. Failure itself isn’t the issue as such, however fear of failing is. This is even more so when we link our sense of self-worth to our achievements, which is especially true for those of us who have those perfectionistic tendencies.

What is failure?

I often get people to define what they think failure is. Usually most people will reply with something along the lines of not succeeding or making a mistake. However, I argue that as long as we ‘get back up’ or have learned something after a stumble (or failure) then we haven’t really failed.

The other important thing to note is ‘behaviours fail, not people’ and that is true for all of us. For example, I can easily reflect back across my life and see numerous times my behaviour has failed, where I think ‘geez I could have done that better’. This does not mean that I am a failure as a person.

If you never want to fail the only way to achieve this is never to try anything. What a dull and boring life that would be. To try something when there is a risk of failure is brave. This is when we gain important life experiences. When we make mistakes and failures and ‘get back up’, this is when we develop resilience. Resilence is the ability to ‘bounce back’ after adversity or difficult times. This is where we learn how to recover and move forward.

Failure creates success

Making mistakes or experiencing failure is akin to exercising. When we exercise and build physical strength we strain and tear muscles, and then when the muscle heals it becomes stronger. Eventually if we persist at exercise we will become very strong. This is the same for psychological strength.

We need to focus on what we have learned from this ‘failure’. We need to self reflect and ask ourselves “How could I have done that differently?” Don’t beat yourself up about it, but take a curious approach. Learn from the ‘failure’. If we have learned something from this unpleasant experience, then it isn’t a waste. Use this new information to set new priorities and strategies that will improve the likelihood of future success. This is when new opportunities may become clear. Take this opportunity to develop our innovative and creative selves.

We need to start looking at failure as part of a very important journey to success. All successful people will be able to cite numerous examples of failure. If you never fail, you will never learn how to succeed.

Young children do not fear failure. They will take a few steps and fall down, then they don’t say well I completely suck at walking and never get back up. Instead they try again, over and over until they get it right. Fear of a failure is a concept we develop later in life as we fear being wrong.

Failure is Normal and Essential

It is important that we have some level of expectation of failure. Failure is normal. Failure is where growth comes from. Failure is where we find solutions, problem solve and learn to develop our potential.

To be able to succeed first we need to learn how to fail.

There are numerous videos on youtube regarding the importance of failing in being successful. Please take time to look at ones such as Bill Gates, Michael Jordan, Elon Musk, Steve Jobs, Oprah Winfrey. All of these people have failed numerous times, but cite these failures as key in making them successful.

Written by Judy Travis

Rockhampton Psychology Services

Failure and Success