Christmas Stress Trap

Posted on December 6th, 2016

Christmas Stress

Christmas Stress Trap

I’m into recycling, so I thought I would take this opportunity to revise a blog I wrote this time last year regarding the stress trap we seems to fall into leading up to Christmas and the holidays. I’m not immune and even found myself getting caught up.

Christmas is not always what it’s wrapped up to be

Joy, family, presents, giving, love…often give way to low mood, anxiety and stress at Christmas time. Not everyone enjoys Christmas. Stress, anxiety and depression are common over the Christmas New Year period. This reaction to Christmas is normal for those who are experiencing loss, bereavement, separation or divorce, family tensions, or loneliness and isolation.

For those who have experienced a significant loss, Christmas will often be a reminder of what they no longer have. This feeling of loss can lead to a depressed mood. The first Christmas without a loved one can be a confusing period where we try to hold on to past traditions, whilst still trying to move forward and create new ones.

Often we have unrealistic expectations about how our family is to celebrate the holidays. We might have fantasies of being a happy family for this one special day. Even normal family tensions can lead to a significant stress at Christmas.

The end of the year is often a time of reflection, a review of achievements. However, some years we look back and all we see is disappointment with joy nowhere to be found.

Tips for managing Christmas Stress include:

High Expectations:

Sometimes the majority of our stress comes from our own high expectations. We tend to put a lot of pressure on ourselves and arbitrary deadlines. For example, each person has to have a wonderful thoughtful gift and my Christmas shopping has to be completed by 1^st December. These rules are not realistic or helpful. Maybe now is a good time to reflect what Christmas really means to us. Is it about everything being perfect? Or is really about something else? For some people Christmas is a time to enjoy the company of family and friends and to have a relaxing time. However, we get so caught up in everything being how we ‘remember’ Christmas was when we were kids or how we think it should be, we actually achieve the opposite of our intention. i.e. Christmas stress and chaos.

Family tension

Be realistic. If there is family conflict all year round, don’t expect a miracle. It’s likely that there will still be some tension on Christmas day.
Avoid triggers. If you know that a certain subject will cause conflict in your family avoid it for the day. Focus on the positive.
Avoid alcohol and drugs. Trying to self-medicate to make Christmas day more bearable will only add to the stress and likelihood of conflict.
Focus on others. Be sensitive that others might be under stress too.
Keep it simple. Don’t over commit. You don’t need to visit every family member or friend on Christmas Day. Spread your plans over the whole Christmas period.

Loss, divorce, separation, loneliness

If the thought of Christmas fills you with dread, then do something different. Go to a restaurant, catch up with friends. You may still want to touch base with family, but make your plans flexible.
Try and keep in contact with friends even if only by phone or social media.
Make a plan (and a backup plan) for Christmas day. Plan to spend Christmas in a way that suits you. If you can’t be with loved ones, then plan to be with friends or volunteer to help others.
Don’t predict the worst. Quite often we build ourselves up for a terrible day, when it actually turns out to be okay.
Reduce your expectations. There are no rules to say you have to love Christmas. Be easy on yourself. Take it at your own pace.
Remember to take time to relax. Take time out to rest and don’t forget to breathe.

Need to Reassess/Reframe

If you are falling into the trap of Christmas stress, now is a good time to reassess and ask ourselves “What really matters?” Will this matter in 6 months time, one year’s time, 5 or 10 years time? If not, then let it go. Focus on what is helpful. Reframe how you are thinking about Christmas. What is a more helpful way of dealing with Christmas?

So this Christmas/New Year period, take time to relax and reflect what Christmas really means to us. Be kind to yourself and give yourself the present of Christmas Stress free.

written by Judy Travis

Rockhampton Psychology Services

Christmas Stress Trap